How to overcome emotional dependence?

 Emotional dependence can occur in any type of interpersonal relationship when there is an asymmetry between roles and a series of addictive behaviors develop among partners. When wanting becomes a need, we need to know how to overcome emotional dependence so we can live a more fulfilling and happy life.

What to do when you have emotional dependence?

 The first step to managing and overcoming emotional dependency is recognizing it. So, if you've realized you have emotional dependency, let us tell you: you're closer to overcoming it!

 When a person is emotionally dependent, they often display a behavioral pattern motivated by unmet emotional needs, which they will likely attempt to cover in a maladaptive and disproportionate manner with respect to the other people with whom they bond.

 Be careful! This doesn't have to be the case with everyone, nor does it have to be generalized, because for such dependency to develop, the other person in the relationship must encourage or feed back into that behavioral pattern.

 If anything you're reading resonates with you, here are a few tips to help you know what to do when you're emotionally dependent:

Identify intermittent reinforcements.

 First of all, it's essential to identify the existence of intermittent reinforcement in your behavior or in the other person's. For emotional dependence to exist, positive reinforcement is necessary, which is almost always intermittent. 

Something similar happens with people with compulsive gambling: they may win one day and lose ten, creating a need to continue gambling to obtain the positive reinforcement that makes them feel good.

Review your beliefs.

 Especially if they revolve around romantic love… because… Even in the 21st century, romantic love is still doing its thing! Reviewing the beliefs we have about romantic love will allow us to differentiate between what love means and what we've been taught/instilled in us through past generations and movies that proclaim 'anything goes for love'. 

Phrases like 'love conquers all', 'without you I'm nothing', 'if it's true love, it will never end'… are some of the beliefs surrounding romantic love that we must deconstruct.

Work on your self-esteem.

 When a person finds themselves immersed in a relationship with dysfunctional behavior, they may feel their self-esteem begin to diminish. 

You may feel like you love yourself less and that you're putting up with things that you wouldn't be able to endure if you were 'different'... that's why I believe it's vitally important that you work on having high self-esteem so that you love yourself more before you love someone else.

How to stop being emotionally dependent?

First of all, let's clarify that a person IS not always emotionally dependent, but rather HAS emotional dependence at some point in their life. It's important to emphasize that being emotionally dependent often represents an added difficulty in change, so when we talk about "being dependent," we're always referring to a specific moment in our lives and relationships. Therefore, with personal work and (if needed) professional help, it can be positively modulated.

 To help you build interpersonal relationships that prioritize well-being, respect, and love, we'll tell you how to stop being emotionally dependent.

1.Embrace your solitude.

 If you've ever had or are experiencing emotional dependency, you may recognize that you've stopped doing certain things for yourself when you were (or are) in a relationship, that you've merged with your partner, and your individuality has been lost along the way. The fear of loneliness and not feeling comfortable or enjoying ourselves is an added variable that can lead to the development of emotional dependency. Therefore, we suggest you think about what things you enjoy doing alone and start recovering your individuality, whether it's going out for a coffee, enjoying a walk, or pursuing a hobby that's been neglected in the closet (dust it off and get going!).

2. Take responsibility for your own things.

 A person who is emotionally dependent is usually also someone who takes responsibility for both their own affairs and those of others. 

They care and worry. 

They tend to want to help that person above all else, including themselves, which creates a two-way need.

3. Be a friend of assertiveness.

 People who neglect their assertive rights are more likely to find themselves involved in abusive or unequal relationships, where reciprocity generally isn't present.

Therefore, embrace assertiveness and learn to verbalize and respect your rights.

4. Love yourself better (and more).

 Loving yourself is essential to loving others well. Therefore, before being with anyone, learn to be with yourself and love yourself. Listen to what your body needs at any given moment, and if you feel it's necessary, reconcile yourself with yourself. Having good self-esteem helps you become a confident person and have the highest and most stable self-esteem possible.

5. Get rid of false needs.

 Dependent relationships are based on need. Usually, on the need to feel loved, valued, and accepted.

 Therefore, let go of false needs and ask yourself what you really need there. To do this, you might find it interesting to reflect on "I love you so that you meet my needs (what are they? They could be affection, feeling loved, listened to, etc.) and so that you compensate for my wounds (what are they? It could be abandonment, etc.)" and from there, you can get to know yourself better and work on your own needs and wounds.

6. Don't chain relationships.

 It's common for people who identify as emotionally dependent to have gone from relationship to relationship throughout their lives, as if following a predetermined pattern of behavior.

 It's very helpful and insightful for the person to be able to spend time without another relationship after a breakup, to work through their own grief and then engage in the next relationship. Searching for what you didn't have in a past heart by chaining yourself to new hands doesn't work. 

 Give yourself time to learn how to be happy in a relationship without creating any kind of emotional dependency.